The Cost of Relating to Our Ideas What Do We Miss When We Relate to Our Idea About Something Instead of What is Truly There? I’m discovering the limits of theories and maps and mental distinctions. Very simply, when we hold a preconceived notion about something, we relate with our idea of it, rather than […]
Seeing Everyone’s Innocence What Happens When We Drop The Assumption that Someone Could be Different From How They Are? I’m talking with a friend, a mohawked guy sitting in front of the brick fireplace, fire gently cracking, a young couple cuddled on the front porch under a starless sky—and my vision appears full of light. […]
The Frustrating Secret to “Saving The World” Love, Acceptance, and the Paradox of Change Loving People As They Are, Instead of Telling Them How to Be There’s a magical paradox that happens when we love someone perfectly as they are—this love often allows them to change. In fact, I think welcoming them exactly as they […]
Ego Development and Job Success Development is Awesome For Your Career Leaders with a higher developmental capacity (also known as action logic) are proven to perform better in unstable, complex environments with many stakeholders and constant upheavals—in short, the way our world is increasingly operating.[1] Higher development also correlates with higher positions of power and […]
Minimizing Ulterior Motives in Communication for More Efficient and Loving Interactions Communication goes a lot better when we learn to take responsibility for what we feel instead of blaming another person, trying to fix them, or manipulating them. This is called “owning your experience [1]” in a lot of circles, and it is an important skill […]
A New Meditation Builds Awareness, Authenticity, and Aliveness There is a new meditation practice called “Circling.” It is amazing for many reasons. Here are eleven of them: It is the most powerful tool for personal transformation I have encountered in a decade… (but has no goal other than to be more present to what is). […]
How can I hold both of these seemingly contradictory truths?
I have to let go of the assumption that two contradictory ideas cannot coexist at the same time. Beyond relativism, where I can be both tall and short from different perspectives, it is quite possible to be both happy and sad at the same time—from the same perspective.
Easier said than done. We are socialized to draw distinctions and create absolute boundaries because they can be extremely useful. Yet when it comes to the complexity of the self system, psychology, and human emotion, a more encompassing way of understanding is necessary to be more accurate and caring.
So once I let myself experience both the desire to fix my own problem (of wanting to fix other’s problems), and the desire to not fix my own problem (partly in order to fix it), I relax into that paradox.
And whenever I feel myself relaxing into the paradox in order to resolve it, I notice that and laugh. If I notice myself using that relaxation as a technique to fix myself, I just stay with it, noticing the feelings of disappointment and frustration, of wonder and excitement.