The Cost of Relating to Our Ideas What Do We Miss When We Relate to Our Idea About Something Instead of What is Truly There? I’m discovering the limits of theories and maps and mental distinctions. Very simply, when we hold a preconceived notion about something, we relate with our idea of it, rather than […]
Do Our Thoughts Create Our Reality? Debunking and Reowning the Magical Thinking of New-Age, Self-Help Wish Fulfillment The simple statement that “our thoughts create our reality” has gained a lot of popularity over the past few decades, particularly in spiritual-but-not-religious circles. It acts as a mantra for people who genuinely want to live better lives […]
Checking Our Assumptions Prolonging the “honeymoon” through openness and wonder Our Assumptions Often Lead to Unnecessary Suffering I was hosting a group at my house and a guy showed up who seemed callous and insensitive. He wasn’t reading social cues and he kept treating my cat unfairly. I was angry with him and felt threatened. […]
Is Your Well-Meaning Advice Accidentally Causing Shame? How Coaching, Helping, and Fixing Can Hurt The Ones We Love (And What to Do Instead) Trying to coach or fix someone without permission is a subtle way to shame what they are feeling. We are essentially saying, “Your current feeling is not okay. Get rid of it.” […]
Exchange “Shy” for “Shine” A Quick Trick to Deepening Happiness When it is Already There In the past two days I’ve gotten to connect with two people who exhibited shyness over feeling positive emotions. I am fairly certain everyone has had this experience before. Rationally this does not make too much sense, especially when the […]
Dear Jordan: How Do You Go About Feeling More Deeply? A Rare and Underappreciated Skill Dear Jordan, When you know there is something bothering you, and you realize you should allow yourself to feel it deeply rather than avoiding the feeling, what do you do to feel it? I ask because I am increasingly aware […]
What does “Interesting” REALLY mean? Getting to Love Someone Better Through Precision in Language I often hear people say, “I think that’s really interesting.” What does that mean? Interesting like noteworthy, exciting, or fascinating? Interesting like disgusting, confusing, disappointing? Do you want to know more, do you feel cautious or repelled when you think of […]