A Timeless, Effortless, and Little-Practiced Secret to Starting and Maintaining Quality Relationships.
The secret is actually so simple that I am pretty sure it will disappoint you. But that does not keep it from being true.
Like most perennial wisdom, the secret to picking up the perfect girl is deceptively simple, and yet often difficult to put into practice. You have probably done it before, and it worked so flawlessly that you did not even realize you were doing it.
It is not a strategy.
It is not a trick.
It is not something you do, so much as something you relax into.
It works anywhere, anytime, and when you really commit to this you will have the perfect girl coming up to you, out of the blue, when you do not even realize that you are trying.
It gets better.
The same secret will guarantee that you keep this perfect partner around. When you really take the leap into this way of being, nothing will be able to phase your relationship. Things will be tough at times, but they will not threaten who you are in any way, shape or form.
Sound too good to be true? It is not. And as a bonus, it is perfectly aligned with the wisdom of the greatest philosophers, statesmen, world-changers, and spiritual teachers throughout history.
What is the secret sauce?
Like I said, you will probably be disappointed. But first let me explain…
Think about the people who love you most. Your best friends and your family, maybe a mentor or teacher who has been there for you no matter what. These are the people who know you in and out; they have been with you when you were on top of the world and they have probably seen you cry. You hide less from them than anyone else in the world and yet they love you more.
Think about your perfect girl. Is she on the cover of Playboy? For some people this would be a turn-on, but for others that means the girl lacks modesty. Is she intelligent? Some men like smart women, while others prefer to be top dog. Is she confident? Some want to be challenged, others might call confidence bossiness. When does “she loves to be provided for” and “appreciates my gifts” cross into “high-maintenance?” When does “opinionated and strong” become “bitchy and complaining?”
As the Tao te Ching says, “When people see some things as beautiful, / other things become ugly. / When people see some things as good, / other things become bad.”
Or take it from the Greeks, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
The point is that you might pay a bunch of money on a course about picking up women to find out that it works!—only on the wrong girls. After the first few weeks of playing mind games with women in bars and convincing them to sleep with you you might discover that mindless sex is not what your heart truly yearns for.
Or maybe it does work and you find your dream girl. You convince her to go on multiple dates, but now you have to remember the persona you fed her that first night. You have to keep up with the charade of being the guy in the bar that had the confidence to spit some line, instead of just being who you are.
Or you might be surprised to find out that the perfect partner for you wants you, not the idea of who you think you should be based on some book you read. Scary.
Are you starting to get an idea of what the secret to picking up the perfect girl is?
Actually, it works on men too. It works for same sex, bisexual, transgender, and polyamorous relationships. It is a foundational practice to intimacy in whatever form it takes.
Maybe I am wrong—I would love to hear your comments—but I believe that maintaining a commitment to this secret also keeps all of your relationships deep and loving. Yes, there will be pain, but you will be able to embrace it and let it inform and inspire your relationships instead of destroy them.
As I mentioned before the idea is simple, you will recognize it, and it is easy when it works. We do it accidentally all of the time, so much so that I would go so far as to say that it is common in our daily lives.
Yet continually putting it in practice when we are looking for romance, or trying to maintain it, can feel like an insurmountable challenge. In the face of nervousness, fear, anxiety, and any emotion that we are not comfortable owning inside of ourselves and sharing, this commitment feels like a lifetime journey. In many ways it is, but that does not mean we cannot use the secret today, right now.
The secret: Be exactly as you are.
If you are nervous: be nervous.
If you are afraid: allow yourself to afraid.
If you lack confidence: have confidence in your lack of confidence. Let it carry you.
If you are uncertain: trust your uncertainty. It will inform you.
If you are jealous: Share it, for underneath jealousy is always care and compassion.
I will only drive the point home one more time: The perfect partner for you loves you as you are. If you have to pretend to be someone else to attract a mate, you are doing yourself and the other person a huge disservice. That type of inauthenticity will lead to unnecessary suffering.
Instead, trust who you are in the moment, share it, and be open to change.
Image: Some rights reserved by NatShots Photography